SANTA DOES A DRIVE BY ON THE EASTER BUNNY

Author: Tyr Annassassi

APP: According to witnesses Santa and the 9 reindeer (Rudolph leading the way) did a drive by this morning around 3am and were successful in taking down the Easter Bunny. "The bunny was doing his usual pre-Easter hiding of eggs and never saw it coming" says the Tooth Fairy, who was doing her daily rounds. The alleged weapon of choice was a modified elf designed toy gun found at the scene. Santa yelled "Talk sh*t now!" just before pulling the trigger; witnesses say. Santa was last seen heading North and attempts to have him turn himself in have been unsuccessful. The Police spokeswoman has informed the media that Mrs. Claus has spoken with her husband and her pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Police further say that the attack stems from an argument between the two where the Easter Bunny claimed that he was loved more by kids; the words escalated and the two were physically separated by Cupid. The public is placed on high alert, Santa is believed to be armed and dangerous due to a large toy sack he was carrying in the sleigh. " We don't know how many toy guns he has in his possession, but the sack was pretty large", say the Police.

A few elves wishing to remain anonymous, stated "this feud has been going on for awhile" and they believe Santa snapped from the pressure of being on the "Atkins Diet" for so long. The Cookie Monster being an expert on eating, says "Food deprivation is the number one cause of murder in this country". "There comes a breaking point where the hunger pains become too great and the mind snaps", he continues.

The police do not believe this will end peacefully based on their conversations with Santa but are hoping for the best outcome. "We believe that we will have to use deadly force....that dude is crazy", says Captain Crunch. Mrs. Claus believes this is a clever scheme devised by the originator of both Christmas and Easter. "I think Jesus wants his days back" she stated at the press conference. Jesus who has been outspoken on the over commercialization of these two holidays had no comment.

Tyr Annassassi reporting.

About the Author:

Tyr Annassassi (pronounced Tier Anna-saw-see) has a sundry collection of works which include poetry, brain teasers and satirical articles.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - SANTA DOES A DRIVE BY ON THE EASTER BUNNY

Lost man drives nine hours to get newspaper

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An elderly man who went out to fetch a morning newspaper ended up driving nearly 400 miles after getting lost and taking a wrong turn onto a major Australian highway, police said on Wednesday. The man, 81-year-old Eric Steward, eventually stopped and asked for directions after driving for nine hours, from the New South Wales country town of Yass to Geelong in the southern Victoria state.

Steward, who did not know where he was, eventually approached a policeman at a petrol station and asked for help late Wednesday.

"This little old man came up to me saying he was lost. He handed me his mobile and asked if I could speak to his wife," said Victorian Police Senior Constable Clayton Smith.

Steward, who was reunited with his family on Wednesday, said he took the wrong turn and just kept on going.

"I just went out on the road to have a drive, a nice peaceful drive," he told reporters, adding he did not need a satellite navigation device as he'd only been lost once.

(Reporting @ Reuters.com by James Grubel, editing by Miral Fahmy)

Is The World Getting Odder?

Author: Knight Pierce Hirst

Oddity #1: As of 2009 there are more new fragrances released yearly than there were in the 1970's and 1980's combined - at least 500 a year. In 2008 celebrity scents made up 10% of fragrance sales - more than 3 million bottles. It seems perfume is the best way to sell celebrity. The perfume houses don't pay for what's in the bottles. Fragrance manufacturers develop scents for free and share the profits with the perfume houses. Also, having celebrities' names on the bottles saves millions of advertising dollars. Jennifer Lopez, Sarah Jessica Parker, 50 Cent - celebrities are profitably "scentimental".

Oddity #2: In 2009 the ball was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. The curator explained that the Ball had just gotten in because the Toy Hall of Fame didn't come into existence until 1998 and because only 2 or 3 toys are inducted a year. Both the Atari 2600 Game System and the Nintendo Game Boy were already in. So were the Cardboard Box and the Stick. Obviously, those who decide which toys are inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame hadn't been keeping their eyes on the ball.

Oddity #3: On November 1, 2009 family and friends identified the body of 59-year-old Ademir Jorge Goncalves, a bricklayer in southern Brazil, who had died in a car crash. The funeral took place the following day, the Day of the Dead, a holiday when Latin Americans pray for family and friends who have died and remember them with gifts. When Goncalves attended his own funeral, shocked relatives tried to jump out of windows in the funeral home. Although Goncalves wasn't dead, he'd been dead the night before - dead drunk in a bar near the crash site.

Oddity #4: On November 11, 2009 Forbes magazine ranked Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman 41st on its list of the world's most powerful people. That ranking put him ahead of Russian President Medvedev (43), Oprah Winfrey (45), Israel Prime Minister Netanyahu (46) and U.S. Chief Justice Roberts (49). Guzman isn't a world leader, a religious leader or a humanitarian. He's a reputed, Mexican drug lord, head of the Sinaloa Cartel, with a $5 million reward on his head. Over the past 8 years Guzman has shipped between $6 billion and $19 billion in cocaine to the U.S. The world's 41st most powerful person is a drug dealer addicted to power.

About the Author:

Knight Pierce Hirst has written for television, newspapers and greeting cards. Now she writes a 400-word blog three times a week. KNIGHT WATCH, a second look at what makes life interesting, takes only seconds to read at http://knightwatch.typepad.com

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Is The World Getting Odder?

Medical Monday

I have decided to follow the examples of many other bloggers and devote Monday to a theme based day. Most of the other authors have "Music Monday", but you know that I am always a nonconformist. So here we have it, the post fist post of "Medical Monday", a day dedicated to weird or interesting medical facts, figures, and phenomena...